Fucking Rant Time!

So, it's almost Christmas and it's a little more than depressing around here.

First of all, I would be about 6 and a half months - 7 months pregnant right about now. But you know, God apparently doesn't want me to have my girl.

Then there's the whole issue of money. Oh yeah, Matt lost his job while I was in the hospital, they promised him something else and he went a day and a half and quit. He fucking quit, when we need the money most.

Our rent is due on Friday, we probably won't have the money for it.

We have no food, no foodstamps, and yet again, no money.

And yet again! No money for Christmas presents.

It's ok though I guess...oh who am I kidding.

I'm so sick of living in poverty. I'm sick of living in filth. I'm sick of everyone and everything. .

 i REALLY hate this apartment. Cannot wait to get out of here!

Otherwise, I guess I'm doing..horribly. My depression is out of control and the worst part is that I can't take anything for it. I also feel like I can't talk to anyone about all this shit. Once I actually have medical insurance I'm going to therapy! Haha.

I don't know what to be for Halloween. I want to do something where I can utilize my huge belly. lol. I was thinking of being a nun :o), there's an idea.

Ok, I'm done now. Here's some pictures - if they work.

me and doodle

 doodle <3 

me and doodle again!

 sammy :o)

i love my boys! - but damn i really want a girl this time!

haha <3

I'm tired, hungry, sick, and lonely.

I've had a horrible day, the car's still not inspected - it's going to take a couple hundred dollars to fix it [according to the garage we went to], the kids were miserable and horrible. Screaming, screaming, fighting, crying, screaming. UGH. I'm supposed to do this starting at the beginning again? I don't think I can. It's going to kill me first.

Oh yeah and the county fair is this week, ends on Sunday. Since I've lived up here I've gone at least one day every year. Till last year. We didn't go because Doodle was only 3 months old and just didn't want to. So now this year, I've been planning on going since the beginning of August. Originally it was just going to be Me, Brandy and Maggie..but then it got turned into us and Donny and Matt, and now we're not going at all. Matt said he'd make it up to me next year but what the fuck? I have no say whatsoever. I mean we couldn't go tonight because Linda is bartending and no one here to keep an eye on the kids [ it would be a nightmare to take them at night ]. plus the car isn't inspected...but I don't get why we can't go tomorrow after it gets dark? No one will be able to see our stickers..It's a losing battle but I still try to fight.

So yeah, today sucked. And now my face feels hot but my feet and legs are cold. I fucking hate being pregnant. Don't ever do it!

It's not THAT bad. But it can be.

<3

I have a resistant infection in my back because of that spider bite, but the doctor said I should be fine.

I was up until about 4 or 5 this morning, playing videa games and hanging out with Matt. We were celebrating Jay leaving. Woo.

I have way too much shit to do today. Ughhhh.

I went to the ER on friday night and they decided that my spider bite was pretty bad, so they numbed it and sliced it open with a scalpel. Gross, but I feel so much better now. Except for the fact I have a hole in my back. haha. Oh well.

My mom is starting to feel better, she's actually eating now, something that she hasn't done in about a week.

Doodle's teeth are in and he's not so miserable anymore.

Things seem to be looking up for the minute.

And I was thinking about it last night and I'm pretty pissed off at a couple of my friends, only because they totally blew me off on my bday. Like wtf? I knew the one girl for 5 years now and she's either too busy, or just forgot. Well whatever. People fucking suck.

Ugh, well I'm the only one up with the kids so I'm going.